What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
