you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
A bitchslap is in order.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
