My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
