He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
