When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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