Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
