He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
