I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
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Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
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You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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