it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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