At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think my moral compass just broke
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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