Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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