end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
