like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
