You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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