You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You made out with two different species that night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
