just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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