Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
