I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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