The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he puts the penis in happiness.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
