im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
