Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
