did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
