The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
