she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
