i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
