My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
