Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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