Yo dont text me then not text me
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
