we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she peed on how many people?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
