please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
