So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
