Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
