Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i think i have herpe
just one?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
