Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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