what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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