two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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