It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
