Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
