Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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