Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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