So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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