youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
