theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
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Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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