He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
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I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
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I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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