oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
