He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
sarcasm needs its own font
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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