alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sext me about skeletons
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
