I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
