i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
