the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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