I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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