Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
