my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
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If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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