yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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