Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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